Classified Ads
Advertisements posted in the Student Center by various students, faculty, etc.
Leaping Lizards
The Preservers are offering a bounty of 100 silver per leupak captured, arrested, and turned in who can be proven directly or indirectly responsible for the recent rash of incidents on campus. Current members will also receive credit towards advanced certification.
-- Hunter Coordinator, Xelos Marlow, Preservers
Racial Intolerants Unite!
Attention all bigots, intolerants, chauvinists, and assholes! An 'Idiots of Campus' rally is to be held at the Meadful Tarn and you are all cordially invited to put aside your differences and join together to stamp out tolerance! Be there or be a decent sentine being!
Can You Crack It?
Wanted: Adventuresome individuals to test security of artifact storage device. Must not fear heights, be allergic to magic, or bleed easily. Reward of 5000s for group effort, or 2000s for individual efforts; most provide complete notes on how security was evaded to receive reward. Apply at Logsdale Dorm, 4B.
Have You Seen Him?
Lost: Stepford Automaton, v. 3.1, with custom mods. Answers to the name of 'Christopher.' Left earring: Min square. If found, return to Prof. Marshall, Room 108, Missing Hall.
Elf Abuse!
Be on the lookout for a woman in black leather carrying a sledgehammer; said woman is responsible for five broken wings and three broken legs, all left. No further information presently available.
The Virgins for Dlonn Want YOU!
Are you an attractive young man, woman, or thing of legal age of consent who likes to party, meet new people, and don't want to spend your college days bored? Then sign up for the Virgins for Dlonn! We major in Party! With the longest-running record for campus party session, the friendliest people, and the best grade average on campus, the Virgins for Dlonn is the place for you!
Warning: The Virgins for Dlonn is not a study group, and will not be held responsible for loss of grades or inhibitions should you choose to attend Virgin functions, get really drunk and run around naked, or do anything else incredibly silly. Virgins for Dlonn is not affiliated with the religion of Dlonn, and all references to the name 'Dlonn' are strictly for entertainment purposes only. As always, please follow local laws and ordinances when partying - and remember, in Nexus City, everything is legal!
Party in Circle Square
Lucy's Birthday Party! Free Food, Music, and Free Drinks! Everyone is invited! Contact Lucy Hathor for Details!
I Need An Army
Wanted: Reliable footsoldiers for invasion of Backwater territory. Must bring your own equipment. Good pay + looter's rights. Exp. in raiding a plus. Contact ThreeBlades@LAMAS.serv for details..
Your Destiny Lies Here
Curious about what Destiny has in store for you? Do you think you are cursed by the gods? Are you a greedy, selfish lowlife who just wants to find out where your scheming partner buried his treasure? The Oracle of Destiny can help. Visit me at 445 Regalia Lane, Artisan's District, Fenville. You'll know where it is.
The Golden Lotus Is Hiring!
After a long wait, the Golden Lotus is under new management and has reopened! We are currently hiring additional cooks, waiters, and maintenance staff - drop by to pick up an employment contract!
Campus Security Bounty Hunting Division Assignment
CSBHDA: We need a crew to handle a rodent infestation in the steam tunnels near the Stadium. 10s per head. Details at Underground Stadium Main Office.
Where's My Car?
I'm not playing around here. My car is still missing. Where is it? I want it back now. Just return it to the campus parking lot and nobody has to get hurt. And it had better still be in one piece.
Do You Want To Make More Money?
Do you have a healthy tolerance for pain? Perhaps even what some call an unhealthy tolerance? Eioan Jeopardy is holding tryouts at the Underground Stadium for people of exceptional stamina, pain tolerance, and physical capability. Tryout events will be:
* Chainsaw Elimination Match! It's you and a chainsaw versus a pit loaded with twenty-five hungry zombies! Cut your way through using nothing but the chainsaw! Winners will earn points for every kill. Losers will be eliminated!
* Nailgun Dance Off! Strut your stuff and put your feet on the arrow panels when they flash. Don't go too slow, or the nailgun shots will flow!
* Wanderbrawl! Survive longer than your competitors and watch out for the Deathball!
Winners will recieve a 2,500 silver prize and an invitation to compete in Jeopardy Stadium for a grand prize of 50,000 silver! Losers will be sent to the hospital! Sign up today! Entry fee is 50 silver, observer fee is 10 silver. Be there!!!
OMG WTF??!
Bodysnatchers on campus! Student Council candidates replaced by dopplegangers! Don't trust anyone!!!
Wanted: A Vamp Job
If anyone knows Abilard Tatregon The Third and would consider having sex with him, it would really make the rest of our lives so terribly much easier. That man needs some luvin', and needs to stop hatin' on the demon playas.
-- Demons For A Darker Tomorrow
I'd take it if it were a paying gig.
-- wouldn't you like to know?
Theater Club Closed Temporarily
Due to recent events on campus as well as several violent protests, we are dropping our original play, "Elves on the Run", and instead taking up the classic drama, "Death To All Who Oppose Me", a satirical look on the villianic profession over the past thousand years. We apologize for the inconvenience and welcome those who wish to reapply for new roles in our feature performance.
-- LAMAS Theater Club
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[This lengthy advertisement is written in Leuptongue Common, and as such is almost completely incomprehensible. If you happen to know how to read Leuptongue Common or can acquire a translator or whathaveyou, and are curious about the contents of this message, let the GM know to receive a translation.]
Declaration of Ultimate Weapon Final Limited Test
This is a declaration of a Final Limited Test of an Ultimate Weapon designed by Villian Studies graduate Falthar Ororris. This hereby declares that Falthar Ororris, following all required guidelines for notification under Academy Law, has formally requested to exercise a final test of the features of an Ultimate Weapon, hereby referred to as 'The Grinder', in a limited application using the southwestern region of Nexus as a testing ground. The Grinder will be tested for its applicability as a Weapon, Intimidation Measure, and Destructive Force. This test will be overseen by an anonymous panel of five professors, including one oversight adminstrator, and will not extend beyond the borders of Nexus proper nor enter the Nexus City region under any circumstances.
-- Cherosh Mayaii, Villian Studies Chairthing
WANTED
I need twenty long spears, any quality, delivered to Airitane Dorm room 4B. Will pay reasonable rates.
Declaration of Permit of Defensive Restraint
This is a declaration of a legally established permit of Defensive Restraint on the behalf of Alicia Yttkrai. This hereby declares that Alicia Yttkrai, in keeping with the accords of Academy Law, has formally requested a license for 'self-defense with extreme prejudice' against any individual who attempts to assault her or those within her employ, using any and all methods of termination with the exception of Class 10 Restricted Weaponry And Powers On Campus. This license is valid within the Legarro Academy of Magic and Adventurous Arts and areas under its control, barring the Academy Tower and areas specifically consecrated to an ordained church of Shydi, Arc, Herb, or Gareth.
-- Lorne Williams, Security Department Chairthing
I Challenge You!
Think you can handle a beaker than better than we can? Bring it! The Mad Science Magistrates are breaking it down old-school outside of Trueheart Hall every third night at 8:00 PM excepting during odd weeks. Bring your baddest gadgets, potions, and monsters and throw them in the Battlecage, or just show them off to people who really do get your plans. Mad Science Magistrates - one of us will rule the world, all of us can enjoy the show.
An Announcement
In light of recent revelations regarding our former Student Council, I, Marissa Vandergard, am formally stepping out of my role as councilor, as I feel it was unfairly appointed to me. I strongly suspect that the individual responsible, an emperor leupak known as Curtis Wagnall, is up to no good and going out of his way to make a bad name for us leupaks who prefer to live at peace with other species. Scaly Power is dedicated towards sharing interests and activities of note towards our reptilian brethren, but under no circumstances will we condone or support this sort of underhanded behavior for petty political gains. Furthermore, I urge anyone, regardless of personal political affilation, with information regarding the recent rash of Student Council difficulties, to pass on any information they have to Campus Security at once.
-- Marissa Vandergard, Scaly Power President