"Once More, With Bleeding" Just when you thought you had too much time on your hands... look at this. We have even more. Ha ha ha. So read this utter pile of stinking crap and suffer along with us. Or just assume Aus sat around reading the script and totally ripped it off to fit his little game world, and skip ahead a lot. Act One As the happy, cheerful overture plays in the background, we see that life in the Albright house is, well, all bright. Expect to see a lot of pointless action description, and no real lyrics, as true to musical form, we just see characters enjoying, or not so enjoying, their morning. If you really want to pretend this is a TV show, just imagine "Once More" appearing in cheerful script - and then getting splatted with red paint, which adds the words "with Bleeding" to the title. An alarm clock is beeping noisily on an endtable - the only actual noise - and abruptly is picked up and flung, hard (disrupting the title credit). The scene zooms out, and we get to see... 1 - Int. Bambi's Bedroom - Morning Bambi. Looking embarrassedly at the camera, which turns to reveal that the clock is now in pieces on the floor, and the dresser across the room has a hefty dent in it. Sorry, Bambi's not the angst focus here. Your angst fetish will just have to wait a few more minutes. 2 - Int. Downstairs Albright House - Morning The scene seems to drop straight through the floor, where we see the Albright living room / kitchen area. Cory is looking up at the ceiling, and seems to be calling briefly. Looking behind him, we can see a plate of breakfast set out. Tamara cheerfully rushes down the stairs (as the camera pans briefly over to catch her joy of life moment) and immediately sits in Cory's seat to partake. Cory turns, puts his hands on his hips, and seems to be objecting for a moment... in a perfunctory manner, before heading kitchenwards, where apparently, two more meals are prepared, and the dishes of one meal are already in the sink. Cory brings the two plates back out, and waves at the ceiling - calling to Bambi, you'll have to presume, since you can't see anything but this text. Sure enough, Bambi comes bouncing downstairs, smiling happily - and promptly sits in the seat Cory pulls out for himself. Cory makes an exasperated expression, and moves to take a seat in front of the last remaining plate... then gets up, looking annoyed, and goes to answer the phone. Kevin emerges from the basement, pulling on a shirt, and promptly sits in Cory's seat, chowing down rapidly. Cory gets off the phone, turns... and makes a shocked expression for a beat. The camera focuses on Cory a moment... then glances over his shoulder, where we can see Spike's face, briefly, in the stairwell, before it disappears back into the shadows. Think 'Creature of Darkness' angst look, and you'll have it (and Spike's entire season six look) down pat. Got it? Good. 3 - Int. Crestview High Language Class - Afternoon Hannah Maxwell is setting graded assignments in front of students as we with our text-based cameras view the world from the door perspective. The camera zooms in for a moment on Danielle's face as she smiles, then down at her paper - a 102%. Damn those extra credit questions. The camera moves left, to show that Danielle's sitting next to Bambi - whose smile is replaced by shocked surprise when her 78% grade is set in front of her. The students glance up a moment - sure enough, the clock shows that it's 3:30, and school's now out. The camera circles around Bambi and Danielle as the other students hurry out, and Danielle pats Bambi on the shoulder. We can't hear what they discuss as they get to their feet. Julius peeks in, looking cheerful, and we see Hannah making to admonish as our heroic students move to join Julius in the hallway together. We fade from here to 4 - Ext. Graveyard Beat - Night As Tamara pushes open the gate to a cemetary, standing eerily in frame where Bambi was a moment ago. The joys of segue, eh? Spike is walking up to the door in about the same position Danielle was when the fade moment occurred. Our overly long overture moment finally comes to a halt, and we get a few moments of preview music as Tamara sees something offscreen and charges towards it. Spike follows, a bit more slowly, as the camera follows them in. Tamara is drawing her sword and approaching a vampire pair who have an incongruous victim in their mutual grasp, and... also incongruously... Spike begins to sing: Spike: Every single night, The same arrangement, I step out and join the fight -- Once I was a demon, bloodlust ragin', Now I'm all revealed, Now I'm all uptight -- I've been helping out, when all turns 'bout, And pondering my doubt, 'Cause I've been... The vampires notice Tamara and Spike's approach, and release their victim. Tamara closes quickly and slashes straight into the first vamp, and Spike readies a stake while still singing. Spike: Going through the motions, Controlled by maddened heart -- Whenever did I choose to lose my part? This last part comes in, in eerie similarity (or utter ripoff) to the original version, as Spike lunges forward, staking the first vampire. Tamara, meanwhile, spins and slashes the second vampire hard enough to drive him against a tombstone. Spike spins, flings the stake, and scores a perfect - if overdramatized - hit, as Tamara moves off without missing a beat. The young victim backs away, right into another small group of vampires, who look almost as surprised as she is - but for different reasons, as Tamara is approaching with sword drawn and happy expression. Spike follows, looking a bit melancholy, and taking out another stake. Spike: I was epic dark And quite sadistic; Now I find I'm wavering -- During this segment, Tamara quickly slices one, and deftly dodges the leaping of a second. Spike punches the vampire leaper square in the face, and keeps right on singing like the musical git he is. If you have a James Marsters fetish, please wipe your chair clean. Spike: Held the Hellmouth's part In manners twisted, But now I feel strange... Tamara's already dusted the first vampire with a decapitative strike - the head flies neatly off and straight at the victim lurker before it, and the body, turn to dust - and proceeds towards the second, not noticing Spike's singing at all, apparently. The punched vampire gets to his feet, and adds his two fangs. Vamp1: I think he's still defanged... Spike looks cross, and jams the stake straight down into the vamp's head. While not an approved staking method, it works well enough when he removes it - and the head - with a twist. Decapitations hurt, especially when preceded by debrainings. Spike continues, in an irritated tone. Spike: I didn't ask you, thanks... Tamara cheerfully joins in with the singing, though apparently unaware of Spike's part in this whole number - or totally missing the point. She drives the vampire remaining backwards with a few quick slashes (and a few poignant lines): Tamara: He's just oh, so sweet When we're on beat And with each great defeat I enjoy going through these motions, Staking them for now, The vampire Tamara's attacking tries to duck behind a tombstone, then flip over it for a kick, while singing: Vamp2: But he's not even half the vamp he--OW! This OW is punctuated when Tamara holds the sword up to parry - and the vamp's kick ends up being Tamara's sword-based groin shot. Yes, ow. Tamara politely brings the sword down to finish the vamp off off-camera, much to the relief of male readers who actually felt a twinge there. Spike watches dispassionately, and continues to sing. Spike: Am I turning again bitter, Do I really give a whit, or-- The victim abruptly joins in on the fun of singing; Spike turns to eye her, as Tamara whirls her sword triumphantly. Victim: Thank you very much-- Spike: Get fitter. He turns to smile momentarily at Tamara - the camera pans to her cleaning her sword off, and behind her, one last vampire emerging from the grave. Tamara looks up and smiles at Spike adoringly for a moment. Without missing a beat, Spike takes out a second stake, continuing to sing. Spike: Am I damned or pure, Poison or the cure, I wish I could be sure... He lets the stake fly (guess Buffy isn't the only one keen on that trick), and the camera view spins wildly to the vampire rising over a tombstone, reaching for Tamara from one side - and exploding into dust. Spike can be seen distantly, and gives the final word. Spike: Tonight... The ash rises upwards, as does the camera. Recycling camera shots helps the Earth (and we need more Earth for those big apocalypse scenes.) Below, Tamara sheathes her sword, and moves in to hug Spike. They embrace, and the dust obscures them a moment. Again we steal a camera cut, as we abruptly snap to 5 - Int. Downstairs Albright House - Afternoon The front door of the house being slammed shut. Fortunately, the camera is on the inside, and turns to catch a glimpse of Bambi (hey, stop staring at her butt, this is basic text here), Julius, Danielle, and Kevin, who have apparently just arrived home from another day of school. Tamara and Spike are settled down on the couch, in a vaguely cuddly posture, while Cory is trying to replace a burnt-out bulb in the ceiling fan from the top of a stepladder, of all things. Hannah comes into the scene with a replacement, and smiles shyly upwards at Cory. Cory smiles down, and exchanges bad bulbs for good. Bambi: Hi, guys! Tamara: Heh... hello, Bambi. How'd school go? Manage to make it through without failing something? Bambi: What? Oh, I think so. Ah, clever line ripoff. Sorry, Bambi is no Buffy, so don't get any ideas about the future of this episode. Hannah heads off with the bulb, and Spike leans forward, making an amused expression. Spike: You forgot your lunch bag this morning. Got Cory in a tizzy. Cory: It was -not- a -tizzy-. Tamara: He definitely tizzied. Bambi just giggles, and heads over to take a seat on the other couch, patting the spot beside her for Julius and lobbing her schoolbag in the general direction of a wall. Cory visibly winces at the impact noise, and the 'tizzy' conversation, but makes no comment either way. Julius starts over, smiling; Danielle, however, hangs back, looking thoughtful. Kevin heads straight for the kitchen, oblivious to this (and most of the conversation.) The camera pans to Danielle - probably the most screen time she'll see for now - as she seems to be trying to broach a question. Dani: So... er... what's going on today? Cory: I'm attempting to repair the damage of having two Slayers in my house. Tamara: (cheerfully) I'm attempting to not damage things while Cory's busy fixing them. Bambi cheerily snuggles Julius, and Spike doesn't answer at all. Dani: Well, that's good... er... by the way... did... Did anyone just suddenly... start singing openly? Cory pauses. Bambi looks up. Julius does as well. Tamara raises an eyebrow, and Spike just doesn't care. That ass. Cory: Well... [simultaneous: Bambi: (bouncing) Ooh... I thought that just happened to -me!- I thought it was a totally awesome Slayer bonus! Julius: I heard my parents singing last night about the bills... Tamara: I was singing for a moment while on patrol... it was like... end simultaneous] Dani: Like one of those musicals? Bambi: Musical whats? Cory: Yes... that would explain why I could hear an orchestra in the bathroom last night... Everyone pauses to look at Cory. Cory: (after a beat) I was cleaning it. Tamara: Was there flushing in time to the beat? Cory: No. I was singing about the Scum of the Earth. Bambi: You mean demons and vampires and aliens? Cory: No, I was referring to the slow layer of sludge caused by various makeup products. Bambi: Oh. (oblivious blink) Spike: (abruptly) I remember singing. Tamara: (looks to Spike) What did you sing about? Spike: I -- well, I don't remember. But it seemed perfectly natural. Dani: Yeah, but it was -weird- natural. Like, not supposed to happen natural. And is it going to happen again? It's not even a Tuesday. Cory tests the light, and climbs down from his high... stepladder. Hannah emerges back into the scene, having apparently not caught the gist of the conversation, and carrying a book. Cory: Well, Hannah and I should certainly look into it. Hannah: Look into what? Is there something we should be researching? Dani: And is there any real research about things like this? Or is this like the Scathurs? Julius: I guess it's just a matter of figuring out exactly what happened, and when, before anything else happens... Sure enough, the music starts. And so does Cory. He's no Giles, but he'll do in a pinch - just ask Hannah about that pinching part. Cory: I think I know now -- perhaps a demon, A music demon -- forget it, that's just silly... Tamara: I think I know now -- it's Djinnic feelin's, And we're all trapped inside some mad scriptwriter's book here... Kevin emerges from the back, and joins in as if he had some clue. Incidentally, his voice really does not suck. He's also carrying a sandwich, which he uses for emphasis. Kevin: I think I know now, what's been going on... Dani/Julius/Bambi: (chorus) This is too creepy, can we hurry and figure it out? Julius gets to his feet, raising a finger and interrupting Kevin's train of thought. Julius: It could be werewolves, some tonal furballs -- -- Julius notes that Kevin is giving him a very annoyed look, and retracts -- Julius: (hastily) (cont.) Which is ridiculous 'cause werewolves Are all fuzzy sorts and can't cast spells Or sing real well--er, I'll be over here... Julius sits back down and shuts up. Kevin looks more annoyed. Bambi: I think I know now -- it's 'cause of fashion... Fortunately, Bambi's voice doesn't crack, or even sound out of tune. (A sure sign that evil is afoot.) Everyone stops and looks at Bambi, even Kevin, with a 'what the fuck?' expression. Kevin prepares to pitch the sandwich at Bambi's head, but thinks better of it, and takes a bite. The couch makes a creak as Spike sits up to comment. Spike: I think I-- Bambi runs right over Spike's contribution to music, while an irritatingly pop (think Britney Spears, Spice Girls, and every other way you could rape your ears) tune plays in the background. The ceiling lights seem to change the atmosphere to pink and glittery as she goes right on with her bad self, whirling cheerfully. Bambi: Nobody realizes the role of fashion in our world, They put it all aside like last year's discount pearls, And perhaps some hot singer's outfit was shunned last year at the Grammys, So it's probably all because of fashion - fashion, wonderful FASHION! Bambi does a twirl, and the light bulbs simultaneously burn out, leaving only the wall sconces and picture window to light the room. Cory looks upwards, and stares. After a beat, Bambi sits back down. Bambi: Or AOL geeks... Dani makes a face, and looks to Julius, miming "she's flipped". Julius nods. Dani: I think I know now, we'd better get this problem solved and fast... Julius: Otherwise it could sneak up and kick us in the ass... Spike finally gets his verse in. Screw you bit characters who weren't on the original show. Spike's a holdover, and he's keeping his role, damnit. Spike: I think I know now... why should we bother? Tamara raises an eyebrow, turning to look at Spike. Cory looks at the light fixture as if agreeing whole-heartedly with Spike. Spike continues. Spike: Whatever this is, it doesn't matter; There's nothing can't be dealt with 'fore we all get splattered... To Hells and back, That's where we all go -- The same old games, That we'll always know -- Cory (perhaps bitter about property damage), Bambi, and Tamara join in, not sensing that this might be the same self-depressive BS that existed in the original, and that Spike might just be moping for no apparent reason. Group: What can't we beat when we work together, What can't we fight, what demon can't we weather; We'll be there first, 'Cause we're the Last; We'll do our worst Dani: And kick their ass... Dani and Julius chime in. Hannah remains watching... too shy to participate in a major musical moment, or just not paid enough to sing, you make the call. Spike begins lurking in the realm of his own originated tune, singing over the others' lines. Group: What evil force can't we force through yet... Spike: (gesturing at Bambi, mostly in the background) Aside from her... Group: What's in this place that we can't do it Spike: (points at Julius) I bet he said that... Group: There's nothing that'll kill us -- Bambi: Except your outfits... The number ends. And limps in a corner to die with the music. A long pause develops, as everyone stares at each other. Julius: Okay... I can see how that'd be creepy. Hannah: I thought it was nice... Cory's got a wonderful voice. Tamara: So why's it happening, anyhow? Spike: Probably doesn't matter. Tamara: Well, I'm not exactly resigning my post of Slayerdom to Bambi in fear-- Bambi: (mock-disappointed) Darn. Tamara: -- but there's definitely something odd going on. And considering the whole 'fiction to reality' thing, that hasn't been leading to happy and joy lately. Dani: Well... is it just us? Like... only the Last? That'd mean a spell, right? Everyone pauses a moment. Cory heads over to a window, and opens it up. 6 - Ext. Street Outside Albright Residence - Continuing Aaagh! Looking right into the face of a creepy old woman; the camera pulls back, revealing that the old woman is holding a cute, but unamused, tabby cat over her head, and several dozen people are standing in front of the house as well, holding similarly unhappy felines. Woman: He coughed the hairballs out... The camera zooms out further, as the ladies toss their cats into the air, and neatly catch them - the music swells with a rrrowwwl crescendo, and you can just barely see Cory's house (and the open window) in the background at the left side. Chorus: He coughed the hairballs out! 7 - Int. Downstairs Albright House - Continuing Cory shuts the window. Cory: Well, it's not just us. Tamara: Disturbing... 8 - The Same Damn Place - Shortly Thereafter The front door slams again. The camera swivels to focus on Dawn - don't worry, she's not staying. We promise. Spike and Tamara have resumed cuddling, while Cory and Hannah have broken out the bookwork. Danielle and Kevin are trying to be helpful, but starting to look bored. Julius is being singularly unhelpful - doing his homework, the ass. Dawn: You guys will never believe what happened at school today. Spike: Everyone started singing like silly buggers? Dawn: (folds her arms and eyes the cuddlers) I turned into a werewolf and bit someone. Kevin: Did you sing while you were doing it? Dawn looks utterly disappointed, and turns back for the door. Told you she wasn't staying. Dawn: You too, huh? (a beat) I -never- get to bring the strange news. Hannah closes the book with an exhausted sigh, shaking the table she's sitting at, and dislodging a strange charm amulet onto the floor. She blinks, and picks it up, studying it. Spike: What'd you sod on about? Dawn: (without real enthusiasm) Geometry. Dawn leaves, once again failing to be more than a failed fifth-season plot device. She can be distantly heard singing, "The right angle - the wrong time..." as she escapes from this hellishly rewritten script. Hannah decides the object in question doesn't relate to the situation, and absently pockets it (likely to deal with it later.) As the camera pulls back towards the big group shot, we can see Bambi beginning to get flirty with Julius. She grins wickedly a moment, and Julius gets his own goofy smile briefly before replacing it with a more serious look. Julius: Er... yeah. ... I mean, yeah! That's it! The... er, the book! Cory turns to eye Julius as if he had just suggested intimate relations with a yak and his cousin. Cory: What book? Bambi: That, um, book thingy. Julius: Yeah, that one that Benjamin had. Bambi: Yeah, the... uh... Heromonger thing. Hannah: The... what? Julius: Well, when we visited Benjamin's place, we noticed he had some other books on magic there... Maybe it's related? Bambi: Yeah! Kevin: Roleplayers again? (groan) Cory: (sighs) Well, I'm a millimeter from investigating Britney Spears at this point, so I'm open to anything. Bambi: Ooh, really? Cory: ... That was an expression. Julius: Er, well... yeah. We'll go check it out, and see... Bambi: We could, like, totally solve this! 9 - Ext. Park - Afternoon Julius and Bambi seem to have gone for a wander. Bugger that homework nonsense. And mystical singing dangers. They're sort of wandering in the direction of Trevors' house... very sort of. Julius: Did Ben really have anything interesting like that there? I didn't see. Bambi: Well, who knows? It got us out of there. There's much more fun things to do today. The birds are chirping, everyone's singing happily, and I think those guys over there are looking at you. Julius: ... huh? The camera pans around, showing that sure enough, a couple of handsom college lads are passing, and looking in their general direction. They're looking at Bambi, of course, and look at her again as they pass. Julius: What do you mean, they were looking at me? Bambi: I think they're gay - they were checking out your butt. Julius: Uh... you mean they thought I was cute? Bambi: Probably! Julius: Er... I think it's time to head home already. Julius takes a few steps in the opposite direction, but Bambi tugs him back over easily. Bambi: Aww, don't let it get to you. Guys look at me like that all the time. Julius: But you have large breasts and a small butt. Bambi: Well, maybe they think you do too! Julius: Erm. No... I think they must've been looking at you. I mean... who'd think I was cute, even a gay guy? Bambi: Why, me, silly! (breaking into songs) I thought that handsome boys were Always the best way to go But while other girls chased their guys, I'm just not that kind of ho... Bambi spins Julius, scooping him up into her arms and nuzzling a moment. If you discount the fact that Bambi's words probably aren't all that comforting or complimentary, you'd find this scene much more cute. Julius seems happy enough for now, though. Bambi: But now I'm feeling well, Even if this place goes to hell -- (setting Julius down) I'm happiest with you Why else do you think I don't mind when you stink Love's magic's struck me true Why else would I be Lost with you in ecstasy... Bambi starts leading Julius along; remarkably, Julius (for the duration of the song) manages to keep up with her spinning and dancing steps without stumbling as they traverse the park. Bambi: I saw a world all mushy With creepy and icky things... In a twist of camera fate, Bambi's left foot comes down on a bug, and the camera stops to ponder this as she leaves behind that 'icky things' line. Then it glances back up, looking up Bambi's body to focus again on Bambi and Julius. They conveniently turn so they're back in front-to-camera mode. Bambi: But you're handsome inside No matter how it might hide I'm happiest with you Not that I mind any, I've had an epiphany, I'm even learning words that're new; Before, I didn't know Everything I'd heard wasn't so You make me happy... Julius and Bambi spin a moment, then topple backwards to the ground and to 10 - Under a Tree, Where a Scene Change Should Be - Afternoon They settle down on the ground, close enough to kiss each other, which they do. Bambi: Like stripes to skinny men, I want to feel you when You're happiest with me, Moaning just to be, Caught here in my legacy... The camera locks on Julius's upper body as he settles against the tree. Bambi moves up to smile down at Julius, then out of sight. Bambi: (out of sight) I want to make you mine, Lost within my gaze, Enjoy my Julius Caesar salad days No, Julius doesn't float. The camera does, however, as it points upwards, towards the trees, and the birds, and pays no attention to what might be happening below that might not be showable. Oh my. Bambi: (continued) I want you happy... I want you happy... I want you happy... This, er, touching moment abruptly ends thanks to an abrupt cut to: 11 - Int. Downstairs Albright House - Afternoon The music stops, and thankfully, any other soundtrack that'd make it into the AO version does too, as we focus on Danielle, who again gets screen time. That bitch. Dani: I don't think they really went to do research. Hannah: Who? Cory: (interjects) Bambi and Julius. They were getting all ... well, overactive before they departed. I'll bet they're... (notes Danielle, who's beginning to blush) Singing. Probably singing now. Kevin: I bet they're doing their best. Spike: Sod that nonsense. They're f'cking. Cory: Spike... Tamara smirks. Danielle reddens a bit; Kevin looks wistfully in Danielle's direction when she's not looking. Hannah just returns to her book. Dani: Um... it's okay... besides... it's, well, almost sort of romantic... Spike: Bloody hell it's romantic. Dani: Well, songs, dancing... that has to have some romance. Nothing bad about that... That was a stupid thing to say, Danielle. Now someone must die. So, let's just cut to: 12 - Ext. Alley - Night A mime is dancing quietly, but rapidly, in the alleyway - not making a single sound, of course, but apparently having been at it for quite a while. He's sweating profusely, his makeup is beginning to run, and he looks silently terrified, but, he just can't seem to stop. He looks, in fact, like he's about to keel over - but still twirling, tapping, and striking out at his invisible box with that fake astonished look, trying to sell his interpretive dance number. Faster, faster, faster... but hey, don't worry. The mime's shoes begin to smoke. Even better, the mime's legs burst abruptly into intense flame. Sadly, no real mimes were hurt in the making of this text, but we thought about it. We laughed. We wished we could really see it. And sure enough, the mime burns rapidly to a smoldering crisp. As the burning corpse collapses, a pair of feet can be seen standing a short distance behind it. Bringing the camera up, we can see that the pair of feet are attached to a body, and a rather snazzily-dressed one at that; while not dressed in a leisure suit, the questionable figure is nonetheless wearing an excellent blue suit. Still, a look at the shadows of his head, we can see that he's some sort of demon. Might be that whole vaguely spiky head thing. Either that, or Sonic the Hedgehog has gotten a real twisted side, but this isn't a Sega script, so to hell with that. You guessed it, it's Sweet. Well, watching a mime die is always sweet, but in this case, our demon might as well be Sweet too. He seems to study the corpse a moment, and grins. Sweet: Now that was dedication. Everything goes black. Either because your monitor broke, or because it's the... End of Act One. Act Two 13 - Int. Downstairs Albright House - Morning It's a classic Saturday morning; Julius and Danielle are both over, and Bambi is in the process of getting off of Julius - no, not in that way, but mostly in the 'was using Julius as a kiss pushup doll' way. Which still looks very wrong. Danielle is making a vaguely embarrassed face, as is her wont. We said wont, yes. As is our wont to do. Now keep reading, you ninny. Bambi: (giggling) And... 100. I'm hungry now... who wants something to eat? Julius: I'm hungry. (murmured) Maybe not for -food-... Bambi: Great! Bambi cheerfully flounces feetwards and for the kitchen, bouncing all the way. Apparently, she doesn't believe in sports bras during her exercise, making her original posture all the more disturbing. Dani: I like Saturdays... they usually start out peaceful. And don't involve work in the daytime. Julius: Yeah... and even with this whole weird singing thing, it's still rather nice. I can't believe Bambi's gotten much better at... her singing voice out of this so far. Though I wish it didn't involve quite as many splinters and grass stains... Julius seems to be staring after Bambi as she jiggles around the kitchen area. Danielle notes the gaze, and makes an 'eww' face, turning to address the camera directly. As Julius rambles through the aforementioned line, Danielle begins to sing. Dani: There goes the Slayer on whose team I'm a player - isn't she nice? My only skill that I can help to fulfill is to pay magic's price; I'm not much in the flesh - Though I'm sure Kev wouldn't mind seeing me in mesh, But what really bugs me so... well... I'll never tell. Danielle turns and heads for the kitchen to talk to Bambi; Julius, however, bursts into song, stealing back those precious screentime moments. This is what you get when you refuse to wear mesh. Julius occasionally addresses the camera, and occasionally turns to look at Bambi (jiggle jiggle bounce bling.) Julius: She's my best girl, my first girl, she's classy and sweet... She's hot and yet cool, she makes me the fool, it's her that I (momentary stumble) hug, that I hug... Bambi bounces past, cheerfully doing her impersonation of maracas at a New Year's Party. Julius attempts to hug her, and gets in a good-natured expression of physical manipulative love in the process; she giggles and heads for the stairs as he continues to sing. Julius: I'd be nuts to let her go, We love each other ever so, There's just one thing that... no. I'll never tell. Julius/Dani: 'Cause there's nothing to tell... The last note gets drawn out and slightly off-key, mirroring their momentary expression change to frownlike. Neither of them focuses on it, though, as Danielle heads into the kitchen, and Julius starts cleaning dishes off of the table (apparently, the pre-workout breakfast.) Spike (okay, put down your panties, just relax... really, now) wanders through the living room area from upstairs, searching the end table where the books from earlier have been stacked up. Dani and Julius continue to sing... with occasional interjections from the Spikemeister. Dani: She's aloof Julius: She's cranky Dani: She's demanding and sometimes skanky Julius: She's exhausting in bed and I just can't quite keep up... Spike glances over at that, and looks amused. Danielle doesn't seem to notice. Dani: She likes to decorate me, Julius: Sometimes she bites when she f---elebrates me, Spike: She's obnoxious and she hates me and she hurts my mind... Julius/Dani: This life... it's kinda scary... Julius: 'Cause I'm kinda ordinary, Dani: Like all my magic's made me wary, Spike: Like she's a ditzy sodding fairy, Group: But it's all good and well, 'Cause gods know we'll never tell! Spike smirks distinctly, and actually interjects for a verse. You may be realizing that this song is longer than the original. Well, if you don't like it, fuck you, you didn't pay to read this. Unless you did. In which case, we already fucked you out of money. Ha ha ha. Spike: She's slutty, and whiny, I'd like to kick her heinie, And if this chip's broken fin'lly I just might lay it down... Dani: When she's flirty, it's disturbing, Julius she's so perverting, And Kev's taking advice and learning From Julius's studmuffin crown -- Spike pauses to eye Danielle, but Julius and Danielle go off on their brief chorus number. Spike sings over their lyrics in places, because he finds it funny. Julius/Dani: We've tried -- to match the Slayers, Spike: They're just bit players... Julius/Dani: We've tried -- to think the thoughts and fight the fights, Spike: Never quite right... Julius: Will she expect me to keep up with her? Dani: When it comes to sex, will I demur? Julius: When it's beyond hot and heavy, Will she throw me from her Chevy? Dani: Will I be as bad as Bambi, Giving favors out like candy? Julius/Dani: When we seem so ordinary, It all seems so swell, So thank gods we'll never tell! Bambi wanders downstairs, followed by Tamara. Neither of them look very happy. For those of you who need to know where in the tune we are, that segment above was borrowed from later in the song - you'll see the tune again. We're back at... well, if you can't figure it out, you'll have to sing it aloud in the middle of your office and guess. Bambi: Why do you mistreat me, And with that pillow beat me, It's not my fault that keyring Knocked over your paints... Tamara: My floor's paint-sodden, Not to mention really trodden, And now that -- Bambi: (scooping up Julius, interrupting) Her tampons are waterloggin'... Tamara: Get out of my verse, you ho! She -- Bambi cheerfully twirls Julius, and starts dancing, carrying him around like a living maraca. Julius blinks a bit, but doesn't object strenuously. Bambi: Look! We're dancing! Tamara eyes Bambi with a degree of annoyance generally relegated to feces in one's lawn, and heads upstairs, cursing. Spike notes Tamara's upward draft, and pauses to look that way, slipping out of the musical bent. Danielle watches Bambi and Julius, and despite herself, ends up joining in, picking up a backpack to synchronize the 'carrying weighty object and gyrating' dance in perfect sync. As the music continues, Bambi gently sets Julius down, and turns with him, getting cuddly and romantic. Danielle sets her pack back down, and twirls, smiling, and continuing to sway to the music. Bambi/Julius: You know... Julius: You're quite vivacious... Bambi: You're sweetly gracious... Julius: You're the epitome of class, You've got the excellence to pass, And a firm yet tight -- tender squeeze! Julius twirls Bambi this time, temporarily gifted in the dexterity department, and for a moment, the two of them dance in tune to each other. During this sequence, Spike slips upstairs, looking glum and unamused with the music. The song continues dimly as we follow Spike... 15 - Int. Upstairs Albright House - Day Upstairs. Distantly, we can hear the last strains we'll have to hear of the tune below: Julius/Dani: (offscreen) I'm just glad that we'll never tell! (music ends) Bambi: (offscreen) Tell what? Spike proceeds down the hall, ignoring the conversation. He opens a door, which leads to: 16 - Int. Tamara's Bedroom - Day. Tamara is mournfully measuring the extent of the damage of a spilled pot of blue paint across one of her artworks - from the look of things, it's the black and white picture of Spike, which now has distinct blue marring its purity. Spike watches quietly a moment, then interjects. Spike: Nothing ever seems to stay black and white, does it, love? Tamara: It's ruined... Tamara looks down at her partially blue hands, where her fingers have drawn lines across the paper in vain attempts to wipe off the paint. Spike: Well. I suppose it'll have to be a colored picture then. I... Tamara looks up from her hands, searching Spike's face as if hoping Spike has an answer to save the sanctity of the marred art. Spike carefully steps in, avoiding the painted spots on the carpet. Spike: Cory's turned up some leads about this little nightmare, at least. Tamara: But ... the painting's still ruined. Tamara frowns again at the work, and at her hands. Tamara: It was the first painting I made for you... It'll never be the same. Spike: Well... Spike seems to pause, as if about to say something, but never quite gets it out. Instead, he clears his throat a moment. Spike: It's not her fault she's a mincing bouncing b'tch. I guess. I could throw her down the stairs. Tamara: You'd do that for me? If it'd make me feel better? Tamara manages a slight smile. The camera turns to Spike a moment, as he nods, and gets to his feet. Spike: I don't think it'd help you fix the painting, though. Tamara starts wiping her blue hands on a rag from the easel. Tamara: No, it wouldn't. But it's nice to know you care. What're the leads, exactly? Spike: Well, apparently, people've started cropping up all burnt up - from the inside. Not your typical soak them in gasoline and shove a road flare up their bum treatment. Cory says he got a look at one of the bodies while the police were taking witness solos. Tamara giggles mildly, despite her unhappy state. Tamara: Witness solos... does he think it's related to the singing and dancing? Spike shrugs a moment. Spike: Wasn't listening too much to him. He wandered off to serenade Hannah; you should probably go off and see if he's not giving an Ode to Joy at the moment. Tamara: But I don't want to go off. Tamara reaches out to touch Spike's cheek, smearing it lightly with the blue paint. Spike reaches up to catch the hand, and pauses a moment, holding it. He looks about to say something, then frowns. Tamara: What is it? Spike: Nothing. Just hearing one too many kum-bay-yahs today. Tamara: (a beat) Spike? Spike: (sings) I died... There's a brief pause as he has time to register the fact that the musical agenda and his ass are about to have a session. Tamara just blinks, not sure whether she's about to hear a serenade or a Billy Idol number. Spike: (continues) So very long ago... (spoken) Oh, hell... (sings) And you tend to make me feel Like it just isn't so And why you come to be with me Sometimes, I just don't know... Spike's expression turns somewhere between compassionate and unhappy. See why you should upgrade your implant chips for full Y2K readiness? They might start doing this to your vampire crop. Spike: You're afraid, Afraid to be alone, And though you've got so much now, You aren't sure it's all your own; But the whispers in this dead man's ear, They say it's all too real... mhmm... Spike gets good music. Even if his song isn't totally bitching out his woman, it's still not bad music. Tamara has a look of vaguely stunned adoration; either an evil curse is in the works, or Spike's actually getting touchy feely with his feelings. This can't end well... can it? Spike: You're great, More than just to play, And being near, it touches me, More than I can say... And since I'm only dead to most, I tell them 'stay away'... And let me rest in peace... Didn't think the song was going to bend -that- far from original, did you? Spike takes this moment to fall back on the bed, as if miming a death fall, but quickly rolls back to his feet, gaining a more aggressive attitude, and crossing the room to Tamara. Spike: I'd love to rest in peace, Just to get some sleep -- For all my love's been buried In a hole that's six feet deep, I've been searching for consolation, But never found my sweet release... Just left to rest in peace. Spike opens the door and heads outwards and into the hall, continuing to sing, as Tamara follows. (Would you want to miss the wackiness? Probably not.) Spike: You know, I don't break my word... And I've seldom made promises, And never those absurd... (turns abruptly) Because the ones I've had haunt me, Even beyond the grave... And won't let me rest in peace. He turns, and flips over the banister and downstairs. Being a vampire, he can get away with it. Tamara, being a Slayer, follows, looking slightly annoyed at the acrobatics, and slightly worried at the intensity of Spike's activity. 17 - Int. Downstairs Albright House - Afternoon Time seems to have passed, as the sun is just approaching setting outside (glimpsed by a reflection off of a mirror that causes Spike to smoke and move aside a moment after landing.) Nobody else seems to be occupying the living room, perhaps fortunately. Tamara lands, and glances about, looking for Spike; the camera view turns to reveal that he's taken a corner away from the picture window and mirror combination, and does look just a bit smoky. Tamara blinks a bit, but Spike just goes right on singing. Spike: I don't know, which way to go... But I follow you like a man possessed -- There's a traitor here beneath my breast, Where a soul once was, there's nothing left, And if my heart could beat, it would break my chest, But I suppose I've much digressed, And I should leave it be, and just rest in peace... Tamara reaches for Spike, and rather than the violent acrobatics you might expect from the alternate version, he suffices to pull Tamara with him, into... 18 - Int. Albright Study - Afternoon ...his face briefly going full vampy in the process. Cory is likely not going to appreciate this, as he's in the study, trying to... study, and takes a moment to grasp the situation. Spike: Just go get some sleep, Retrieve my love, what's buried In a hole six foot deep; I never sought my consolation, But I found my sweet release... Cory gets an axe (ever notice that he almost -always- seems to have an axe in arm's reach? It's his thing), and starts getting to his feet; Tamara looks over at Cory, and shakes her head, merely kneeling to hug our erst-while vamped-out psychopath. Spike's final song words are mostly to the ceiling, as if undirected and aimless... Spike: Why won't it let me rest in peace Just let me rest in peace... The scene focuses on Tamara holding Spike, and Cory and his axe in the background; as the camera fades to black, perceptive viewers or people reading this can see Tamara whispering something the camera can't quite hear. (If you're a lip reader, you might read "I love you." If not, you're a text reader and reading this file, so you see these comments anyhow, you fiend, you.) 19 - Int. Basement - Evening Hannah is chaining Kevin to the wall of the basement, as per the whole 'don't go eating people' requirement of their stay at the Albright house. Kevin looks unamused and melancholy, not exactly thrilled about bondage that isn't occurring upstairs. Kevin: Someday, yeah? Hannah: Someday, what? Kevin: No more of this. (clink) Hannah: Oh... yes... hopefully, someday soon. Kevin: What a way to take the fun out of an evening. "Hey, Danielle, I'd like to hang out with you and all, but it's my time of the month and I have to be chained to a wall so I don't try to eat you in more ways than I'd usually like to." Hannah: Kevin! Hannah looks momentarily shocked, and reddens a bit. Kevin just grins a bit. Kevin: What? It's not like I've tried - yet - or anything. Hannah shakes her head, and makes sure the manacles are on securely. After a few moments of trying to find a direct manner of debating with Kevin's vaguely perverse commentary, she opts to let it slide, and instead approaches another tack. Hannah: Well... anyhow, Danielle's volunteered to help keep an eye on you when you're all fuzzy like this... but I told her it probably wouldn't be a very good idea. Kevin: Mmmh... (pained face) I know, I know. Hannah: I'm going to go upstairs... and get some food and water for you, in case... well, in case. Kevin: Okay. Not like I'm going anywhere. Hannah nods, and reluctantly turns to head upstairs, leaving the lights on as she goes. We follow her upstairs... 20 - Int. Downstairs Albright House - Evening Hannah glances briefly out the window, as if looking for the moon, before heading kitchenwards. The camera follows her through the empty living area, and focuses on her as she quietly prepares a plate of ham slices, and a large bowl of water. After a few moments of this quiet mundanity, she catches a look at herself in the mirror. Today's lesson: Don't look at yourself in the mirror, even if you don't have a reflection. Her hand slips to... her pocket, you perverts, and extracts the aforementioned charm. Pondering, she puts it on in front of the mirror. Hannah: This is lovely... I wonder if Cory... She reddens a moment, smiles, and pats the charm a moment, before beginning to sing in a low, soft voice. Hannah: I used to wish I was without notice, Then I found a reason to care -- The problem with mirrors? You can see behind you, and the mirror. Which is why when she picks up the plate and bowl, and turns left, the sight of a freakish-looking bemasked henchman right in front of her is enough to startle the heck out of her. (Gotta love those people who just ignore the presence of locks and bars and such and somehow end up in your locked house.) She lets out a brief cry, shoving past him - and running right into two more of them, who promptly stick a burlap sack over her head. This is the End of Act Two. If you don't like it, why the heck are you reading this? Screw you. Screw you right in your sticky ear. Act Three. Not the popcorn, either. 21 - Int. Bronze - Night Ah, the similarity is dripping here, though perhaps not for long. We zoom in on Hannah's dishevelled face - obviously, the sack treatment is over. She sits up, adjusting her glasses a bit self-consciously, and looks around. The camera pulls back, revealing the Bronze, with all of its lighting focused on the pool table where she's been taking the long nap. She carefully raises a leg to descend from the table - you guessed it, Hannah gets to mostly keep her mouth shut for a while, as the music swells into a Nutcracker Suite (sorry, Hannah doesn't crack any nuts in this Act, but nice thought) overtone. Her dance resembles a ballet, except without quite as many high kicks (she's not a Slayer, so her thigh muscles need the break. Any comments -you- might have on this, we don't want to know.) She glances around quickly, whirling on her heel, then moves towards the main door. In true evil fashion, it doesn't open. (Pesky locks.) She turns, almost spin-kicking the air in the process (bad air!) and quickly moves to investigate the side door (after all, hundreds of vamp victims use it every day, so the odds it actually -has- a lock are slim.) Sure enough, it doesn't have a lock - it has a henchman, who leaps in when she opens the door. She backpedals, and whirls, as the henchy minces in after, arms raised in comical suggestion of menacing nature. Another one pops up (where was he hiding, behind the bar? Good question, but one you as the reader will never know. Ha ha ha) and causes her to pause in exaggerated panic, then attempt to back away from both of them. She nearly falls backwards into the dance floor area, only to be caught by the third henchman before the back of her head can touch the ground. How sweet. The henchman sets her back on her feet on the dance floor, and she backs away again, all three of them advancing after. An opening appears between two of them, and she attempts to rush through, only to be caught by the arm and spun back the way she came. She ends up going for a bit of a tumble, rolling across the stage... and stopping right in front of a staircase that has been put on stage. She sits up, and we can see a pair of snazzy black tap shoes on the step behind her. That begin to tap. She turns hastily, and the camera pulls back to encompass Hannah's hasty retreat, and the entrance of the Villian. The henchmen swiftly retreat into corners of the dance floor, dimly seen on the edge of the shot as we revolve around the staircase, and see a bright blue suit, and finally, the face of evil itself. Grinning and sinister, but not really all that bad - no face tentacles or seeping. Sure enough, our evil sinister begins to sing... Sweet: Why'd you run away -- Don't you like my moves? He clicks his heels together at the last word - and his clothes shift color to a bright (ruby?) red. He advances a bit. Sweet: Why don't you come and play -- I guarantee you'll love my groove... He stretches out a hand. Hannah, perhaps because the sight of an actual demon is scaring her, or because her scripting was absent today, stares up at him, a bit too startled to respond just yet. As he continues, she begins getting to her feet, still edging back from him just slightly, and towards the center of the stage. Sweet: I come from the realm of dreams, And I'm here strictly by your personal schemes... (takes a rolled script from his pocket, unrolls what looks like an invite) So how about it, may We both just dance a while? He dances around her slightly, and Hannah begins to sway, though not quite joining in -- "I'm under your spell?" That just might be. Sweet: I'm the king of style, I'm the lord of grace, When you need to sing, Get those feelings all let out Call my card and I'll come a-ringin' I'll turn up the sound, and I'll bring the singin' So we'll have a blast -- that's what it's all about... 'Cause I know what's on your mind, lady I know just what's driving you crazy He sways closer, and Hannah's starting to look mildly starstruck, as if she'd just encountered the true Frank Sinatra. Hannah: So... you're a good demon, then? He chuckles quietly... an unsettling, but charming laugh. Hannah: Bringing... all the singing and such? Sweet smirks, and gets all expositional. Sweet: When these sweet refrains Carry on too long All that energy It can make things turn out all too wrong All your emotions show, might cause some spurn, And then there's the ones that simply burn He calmly boots open a stage door, where a smoking corpse promptly falls out at Hannah's feet. Sweet: That's the reverie, When life is lost in song... He turns, his influence (skill?) on full blast now as he looks his most charmingly menacing. Sweet: You brought me here to cause chordant fear, So there's no need to run and hide No dissension in my home dimension, And you will be my bride... Hannah's, well, flustered, and tries to sing a reply. Sweet: 'Cause I know what's on your mind, lady Hannah: Well, you see, This can't be, I'm already committed Sweet: And I'll be your kind, lady Hannah: To Cory, And you see, He's not exactly half-witted Sweet, however, is enjoying his music. Some villians babble, this one sings and dances. Sweet: I can snare all within my encompassing ring And watch them all burn or learn how to swing Hannah: Well, I know I must go Cory's my only player Sweet: As armies crumble, through dances hectic I'll be the one to make things frenetic Hannah: He'll get pissed If I'm missed, And he's the Watcher of Slayers... Sweet pauses, his attention garnered. Sweet: The Slayer? Hannah: (nods nervously) Well... yes... She seems about to continue, but thinks better of it. Sweet whirls to a corner-lurking henchman. Sweet: Go find them. Tell them... tell them anything. Just get the Slayer to come here. I want to see one last show... (sings) Now we'll have some fun That's what it's all about... 22 - Int. Albright Basement - Night Tamara and Bambi are busily undergoing the Slayer Full Body and Mind Training Regimen (tm), with Cory training. As we come into the scene, Bambi is busily putting a fist directly through a wooden board. Cory is holding said board (and wearing heavy gloves), and winces appreciatively. Cory: Good - that's very good. Bambi: Should I bow now, or have some sort of punchy fu moment? Cory: I know, this all seems tacky... but we need to work on aim and focus as much as strength and force. I'm still not quite sure what we're dealing with. Tamara: I'm sure you'll find some ancient book thing about it sooner or later. (eyes Bambi) I'm just worried this is going to turn into a training scene from some old action movie. Bambi: (perkily) On Channel 13? Cory: No, I'm certain television isn't related to this particular problem. This sort of work has a certain... sophisticated violence to it. Tamara glances over a moment, as if trying to find something in the comment. Cory calmly collects throwing knives from the wall. Cory: Have you spoken with Spike since the, ah, incident this afternoon? Bambi: What incident? Tamara: (to Bambi) None of your business. (to Cory) I figured I should let him rest. No sense in cracking eggs with axes. Cory raises an eyebrow at the comment, and turns back. Tamara doesn't seem pissed, though, and has started stretching out. Bambi looks curious for a moment, then realizes that "Slayer #2" is doing something she should probably be doing better, and mimics. Cory: Right... we're all set, then. Bambi: What would we do without our British Guy? Bambi stops stretching, and after a moment, Tamara follows suit. Bambi: Okay, we're ready! Cory turns to get the knives, and the music tells anyone who can hear that a song is coming up. Cory: You're defending the world outside, You keep on fighting, but you just can't hide And I'll do my best to always stand by your side, But I... He turns, carefully balancing the knives in his left hand, and holding one in his right to throw. He sings directly at the Slaying duo, and it seems Bambi is entirely oblivious as she is busily admiring her nails and watching Cory only slightly. Tamara, however, seems to be aware, and watching Cory intently. Cory calmly tosses one knife at each of them (and you thought your midterms were tough?) and Bambi looks up, batting hers aside with the side of her hand. Tamara brings her hand around and down, swatting hers to the floor. He continues to sing through this: Cory: Your path's misleading, and the signs are few, But you'll see through it, I believe in you, And though there's perils here, I know we'll see it through, But I... He flings the last one with what looks like considerable effort, directly at Tamara's throat. Confident, or just backed by the script? Time seems to slow to a near crawl as the blade comes within the last few feet needed to strike. She brings her hand up, and catches it by the hilt, but Tamara herself seems to be travelling in slow motion, and everything else, including Bambi's reaction shot to the throw, seems to be moving even more slowly. Cory continues to sing: Cory: I wish I could say what's needed To lead you to the light, I wish I could slay the demons, That haunt your dreams at night, Wish as I may, And yet I understand, I don't always know the way... Bambi and Tamara continue to train throughout the rest of the number - practicing kicks and punches at each other, working on the punching bag, dueling with quarterstaves - and though we can see that Bambi's reflexes are slightly better, their actual moving speed differs, a sign of Tamara's ability to hear the song. Cory, meanwhile, circles at almost normal speed, watching progress and singing. Cory: Though there are times you won't want to take the call, And you know there's others to take the fall, Remember I'm here, to keep you standing tall, But I... I wish you could lay your blade down And find your peace at last, Wish I could slay your nightmares, But perhaps that time has passed, Wish as I may, Though I may be standing fast, I don't always know the way... I just don't always know the way... The number ends, as Tamara and Bambi separate from quarterstaff fighting. Tamara leans on her staff and looks directly at Cory, blinking. Bambi turns and cocks her head like a dog. Bambi: Did you, like, say something? Cory just looks at them both. 23 - Int. Albright House - Continuing - Night Julius is lounging on the couch, reading quietly. Danielle is also there and reading -- though from the dark symbols on her book, we can assume it's not her science homework. (Probably.) Kevin is lounging over her shoulder, looking down at the book (and possibly at other things). The basement door swings open, and Bambi emerges, cheerfully flouncing over to hug Julius. Danielle: (without looking up) Hey, Bambi. Bambi: Hi! (lovey tone) Ju-li-us. Julius looks up in time to get a lap (and face) full of Bambi, and the camera politely turns away so their couch is out of frame, and the research couch and basement door still are. Tamara slowly emerges from the basement, rubbing her eyes a moment, and followed by Cory, who is carrying a ubiquitous screwdriver. Tamara paces a moment, apparently upset over something, and finally rounds on Cory, holding up a finger. Tamara: (quietly) I still can't believe you almost axed Spike. Cory: (also quietly) Well, he did look like he was about to feast on you on top of the bookcases. Tamara and Cory continue to talk quietly, and it's evident that nobody else has noticed their conversation enough to stop what they're doing and intercede (or care.) The camera slowly begins to move in like a shark on a bloodless corpse. Tamara: I had things under control. You know I don't take foolish risks. Cory: Well... I know that. But I still worry, especially after... well, you know. Tamara frowns deeply, and looks down. The music begins, and she begins to sing, not looking up at Cory. Tamara: He makes me happy... Do you really see That he fits me perfectly? I know he's come from Hell, Cory, don't you see, He's redeemed himself to me... Cory gently reaches out and cups her chin with a hand, causing her to look up and face him. As the camera turns, we can briefly see Bambi and Julius kissing happily, and Kevin looking down at Danielle much more than the book she's focused on. Cory joins in on the music... Tamara: He makes me complete... Cory: Completely out of my realm, I know... Tam/Cory: And through it all I just want you to know, But we both know... They continue to sing, and though they're definitely not quiet now, no notice seems to be taken of any of it. [simult] Tamara: Wish that I knew What to say, to take your fears away, But there's naught for me to say, This is no play That can be replayed, We know it every day Cory: Wish I could be The wise one to always understand Wish I could see The right way to keep things safe at hand [end simult] Tam/Cory: Wish as I may Wish as I may Wish as I may Wish as I ... may... The final note and word ring out just in time for a dramatic door-crashing entrance. More precisely, the door is shoved open, and Spike shoves a henchman in. Spike: I caught a bit of a present while I was out. Bambi: (getting to feet, adjusting blouse) Ooh, Bleachy brought a present! Is it the demon guy? Spike: (gritting teeth) Works for him. He has a nice little story to tell the Slayers, doesn't he? He shoves the Henchman forward a bit more. Spike: Well, get on with it, then... sing. The music swells again as the camera focuses on the henchman taking a breath and raising an arm to strike a pose... Henchman: (quickly, flatly, with no music) My master has the Watcher's girlfriend hostage at the Bronze because she summoned him and at midnight he's going to return with her to the Underworld and make her his bride. Cory: (blinking) Hannah? Wht does he want? Henchman: (pointing at Bambi) Her, alone. Plus madness, havoc, some charred corpses... Spike: (off Hench's comment) Bad trade, I'd say. Spike grabs the Henchman by the shoulder -- Spike: If that's all you've got for us, then -- But the Henchman quickly breaks free (Drama Points at work?) and bolts out the open door. Spike: Tough bloke. Guess he's late to have his nose shaved. Bambi: So Hannah's in trouble, and it's, like, totally up to me to go and save her. (a beat) Awesome! Tamara: (shaking her head) Cory, what's the plan? Kevin: Who needs plans? Let's just get our pointy weapons and go! Bambi: Hey, no! Cory and Tamara eye Bambi, who is rapidly getting egotistical. Danielle looks up from her book. Danielle: Um... Hannah might've just accidentally wished this creature would appear, but marrying hellspawn from the underworld never ends well... (glancing Spikewards) Maybe once. Tamara: Don't worry. We're not just going to stay here. Bambi: Yes you are. I'm going alone. Spike: Don't be an idiot. There's no -- Bambi puts up a hand. Bambi: Spike, when I want your opinion -- wait, I never want your opinion. This demon thingy called for me specifically, and I'm so going to kick its spiny butt. Tamara: Well, you have to have some sort of backup. Spike: Ignore the 'me' girl, let's just get the weapons and get this over with. Tamara: Sure you don't need to rest a bit? Isn't that what you sang? Tamara's only joking, apparently, and quirks her expression into a mild smile. Spike doesn't seem to find it so funny, though, and looks almost embarrassed for a moment. Bambi: (cooing) Awww... Bleachy sang a little song? Danielle: Um... would you say it sounded more like Britney Spears, or Avril Lavigne? Spike: (growling slightly) Fine. I hope you dance til you burn, you little -- The moment we've all been waiting for, as Spike abruptly slaps Bambi hard enough to send her tripping backwards, and storms out the open door. If you weren't sure about that chip before, now's a good time to bet against it functioning. Bambi looks stunned, and gets feetwards. Bambi: Hey! I... I... Fine! I'm the number-one Slayer around here, and I'll do this all by myself! She runs out afterwards, leaving everyone else in stunned silence. 24 - Ext. Street - Night (Locations will wobble during this scene. We'll try to keep you up with it, but we're not going to tell you where every change is. Listen to the lines and get over yourself.) Bambi walks to the Bronze, filing her nails as she walks. She doesn't seem to be particularly in a hurry. In the background, we can see occasional dancing passersby - two muggers pirouetting with baseball bats while threatening a third person, for example - a few broken windows here and there, a smashed car, the occasional small fire. In short, it looks like the aftermath of a high school championship victory. Bambi ponders her reflection in a pane of glass for a moment, looking thoughtful (well, as much as can be expected), and carefully adjusts her hair. Bambi: (sings) I watch the people that are passing me I wonder if they've passed me by Why does it seem I'm not caught in the gleam I want to be the show She resumes her walk, absently looking at herself in a compact mirror as she walks, obviously concerned about her personal appearance. Bambi: Through smoke and mirrors, I can see My Spanish teacher needs my aid To save the day And look good anyway And enjoy my chance at fame So I will walk into the spotlight, It's where I belong, I know I will walk into the spotlight Bask in its -- 25 - Ext. Thornton Cemetary - Gates - Night Spike is lurking here, pondering a recently lit cigarette... not smoking, but not -not- smoking, either. Spike: These thoughts I bear are tearing me That ditz is having quite the show I know she tries But I hope that dumb bitch dies (standing straight) I'd better help the ho... He heads off again, reluctantly. 26 - Int. Bronze - Night Sweet sings to Hannah, who's presently huddled on a chair in the corner. Sweet: She's warming up -- she's smiling now The wind's blowing through her hair But will she smile When her friends sift through the pile Of ash left when she flares? [simult] Sweet: Cause she is drawn to the spotlight Fame makes some people fools, I know Spike: Cause she is drawn to the spotlight She'll melt for her fame, I know [end simult] Sw/Spike: And she will walk into the spotlight, And melt in its -- 27 - Int. Albright Downstairs - Night Everyone else is still there, in various shades of unhappy, concerned, or just irked. Cory: Will she learn a thing from this, Is Hannah's life to be at risk Is our Bambi too damn blonde to care? Julius: What if Bambi can't defeat it? Kevin: She's kinda dumb, of course we're needed No sense in waiting with despair... Everyone gets up, heading outwards -- Group: We'll play our parts, We're put here to give it all our heart, And we will walk into the spotlight 28 - Ext. Various Streets - Night Everyone approaches the Bronze in their own way. Some more ditzily than others. Bambi: So everyone, they envy me, I guess they just can't follow my beat Danielle: What can't we beat if we're together? Bambi: I'll face down fate, And be home before eight, Because I'm truly elite... [As the main characters prattle along in part 1, it intermeshes with Sweet's tune (part 2), in a blended montage not unlike what happens when you take two separate tracks and blend together. Ooh. The wonder of sound editing.] [Part 1] Kevin: I just hope she doesn't waver Spike: First he'll kill her Then I'll save her Danielle: Why does everyone sound like we're doomed? Tamara: Going through the motions Waiting for a chance Spike: No, I'll save her Then I'll kill her Julius: I hope this isn't an action thriller Cory: Will she face the test and make a mark? [end Part 1] [Part 2] Sweet: One by one, I hear them come, Following the glow right to its source, What they don't know Is that it's much more than a glow, Once it has run its course [end Part 2] [simul] Bambi: This endless song Is simply stringing me along Sweet: She will come to me [end simul] 28 - Ext. Outside the Bronze - Night Finally, the tricky song parts are at an end, as Bambi finally ends up alone here as everyone sings: B/S/Group: And we are caught in the spotlight, No escape, wherever we go And we will walk into the spotlight And let it glow Let it glow Let it glow Let it glow 30 - Int. Bronze - Night On the last note, Bambi kicks the Bronze's doors open, snapping the lock. Gotta love Slay Fu for property damage. The camera flicks over to Sweet's face... and he's smiling. Sweet: And here comes the final act... Fade to black. End of Act Three. Act Four. The Final Act. Say, that Sweet guy was right. What irony. What... oh, forget it. 31 - Int. Bronze - Night Bambi strides in, almost six feet of Slayer whoopass attitude. Sweet is seated on stage in a bar chair, while Hannah is seated on the floor next to him, wiping her glasses. She looks relieved... which ends shortly, presumably when she realizes Bambi's here alone. Sweet's henchmen begin to move in from all sides... Sweet: I love grand entrances. Bambi: Thanks! So, how are you with exits? Sweet chuckles. Bambi: Is there a name for 'weird dancy demon who kidnaps people and burns things', or should I just call you 'soon to be a floor mop'? Bambi is obviously getting far too into the clever quips section of the Slayer handbook. Sweet: I have hundreds of names. Bambi: Well, I should know what to call you if I'm going to add you to my list of nasty beasties I've killed. Sweet: How gloomy. Bambi: Well, that's the way it goes for you demon guys. Sweet gets to his feet, and starts down the steps. His henchmen close in on Bambi. Sweet: Come on now - are you really that absorbed in violence? Life is a wonderful thing, for everyone! Bambi: Now don't try talking me out of it with clever demon psycho... something... (sings) Life's a show, and we're all in the act Starring me, that's a fact Except where talent's lacked It's alright that some of my friends aren't clued, Or sometimes get unglued She spins cheerfully, adding -- Bambi: That's no excuse to brood... And with that, she begins lashing out at the henchmen, punctuating every painfully cheerful line with an equally damaging attack. Bambi: Life is but a dream All your dreams come true True love does exist Gentlemen dig blondes An early grave May be a Slayer's fate But for me it's not too late The group enters through the gapingly open door, and the camera angles on them while Bambi finishes off her last couple of lines thus far. Cory evaluates. Cory: She needs backup. Tamara. Danielle. Tamara and Danielle close in - perhaps a warning sign might be that Dani isn't freaking out right now - while the rest start circling around. Predictably, all Danielle and Tamara do once they've come in range is to get behind Bambi and sing back up 'AAAAH's, while swaying to the music. Bambi: So don't give me woes Don't give me woes I'll give you something to sing about But I need something to sing about She notices everyone else is around, and looks exasperated for a moment. In fact, she looks about to tell Tamara off, before the singing bug buggers her into making noise again. Bambi: Life's a show - hopefully not on thirteen, Though sometimes life is mean, It doesn't call for scenes... Still my friends don't seem to see my side I'm the Slayer, bona fide, I'd be the only if Tamara died Tamara snaps into the song with the ferocity of, well, Tamara. So much for a solo. Tamara: That's enough, you slut For once you'll listen up We live for them, not us, Not to be on top -- Bambi: Well, that depends Tamara: Just clear your head and see Saving them's destiny Though you can't save all You have to take each call... She facefaults, trailing off. Danielle has backed off to a safe distance, and Bambi is watching Tamara with surprise tinged with a very faint shade of guilt. Being chewed out by your elders isn't fun. Spike slips in through that pesky side door, and watches from the shadows, without expression. Tamara: But when you dream, You may fall asleep, But never deep, 'cause they're calling... I hear every scream, And my face turns pale, For each one I failed when they were calling... I think I hear them calling... Bambi begins to cry, softly. Tamara looks up at Sweet, and begins to sing again, vehemently - Bambi's voice can be heard as a soft echo, an ironic twist on backup. Tam/Bam: (thank you ma'am? er, well, anyhow) So give us something to sing about Please give us something... The moment drags out. The group stares. Only Sweet (and Spike, being as he isn't quite in frame) seems to be unruffled, and in fact, Sweet cranes his head as if simply waiting. Tamara looks back down, and begins a whirling dance, twisting and circling wildly around Bambi, picking up speed. After a moment, Bambi mimics (another time when it's not bright to mimic your elders). They both pick up speed, until they both begin to smoke lightly. They twirl around each other -- about to flame on -- when Spike abruptly comes into frame. More precisely, he rudely shoves Bambi out of the way, and puts his hands on Tamara's shoulders. This has the effect of stopping both of them, and causing Bambi's arse to slide several feet across the dance floor. He holds Tamara still a moment as the smoke clears, and sings in an oddly gentle tone. Don't get used to it. Spike: Life's not a show, Life's not a stage, So quiet your rage: it's feeling Save what you can You will survive Save a few lives by feeling You have to keep on feeling For what's love without feeling... Hannah: (quietly sneaking in a spoken line - that cad!) Love is what separates man from monster. Sweet begins to applaud; despite all the chaos, he's still smiling - a genuine smile now, or at least not a menacing one. Sweet: Now that was a performance. Not exactly the incineration I was looking for... Danielle: Just... go away. Everyone in the (non-Hannah) group looks pretty pissed off and determined now, even Danielle. Kevin has his hands on a bar chair as if preparing to utilize it more effectively. Cory seems to be balling up a fist. Sweet: Hmm... everyone's a critic. I guess the little lady and I should be on our way. Cory: I don't think so. Sweet: (holding up his hands like a faux-sympathy lawyer) I don't make the rules - she summoned me. Hannah: I didn't summon anything - he keeps saying I did! Sweet: You've got my talisman on, little lady. Hannah looks down at her necklace, and realizes that's what he's referring to. Hannah: Oh! But-- wait! I just-- This was on one of the tables at home and-- I thought Cory had-- But I didn't summon anything. Sweet: Hmmm... well, that's interesting. Cory: If it was at our house, that means one of us... The camera switches to encompass everyone in the shot. Cory is looking especially at Danielle; Danielle is eyeing Bambi. For a moment, we all get to wait - unless 'we' are fast readers. Finally, Spike makes a face, and raises a hand. Tamara: -Spike?- Spike: Well, I didn't know it was going to cause all this sodding mess! I just saw this reference to song and happiness and tranquility and... I just thought it'd be a sleep aid or... oh, bugger it. Sweet eyes Spike and Tamara, and starts laughing. Sweet: And I think it worked out better than you'd thought. Tamara looks touched, and gives Spike a smooch. Spike kisses back, then... Spike: Wait a minute. (a beat) This doesn't mean you're going to ask me to be your sodding queen, does it, because I -hate- hair gel. Sweet: Tempting. But I think I'll ignore that clause - just this once. Cheer up, everyone - you've 'beat the bad guy!' Sweet doesn't bother emphasizing his separation with quotey fingers, but you can nevertheless tell they're implied. He brushes some imaginary (or perhaps real, considering) ash off of a sleeve, and resumes singing. Sweet: It's been a lot of fun, Causing my own kind of hell, And you can't complain, Considering things turned out so well, Maybe those problems you're no longer heedin' Let's play again sometime - once more, with bleedin' But now I gotta run See you all in Hell... He disappears in a crumple of smoke during the last line, and rises off into the sky as glittering stars, his last two words ringing out from the emptiness. There is a long moment of silence. Everyone stands around looking at each other, blinking a bit. Trying to figure out what to do next. Finally, in a quiet, tentative voice, Hannah begins to sing: Hannah: Where do we go from here? Others begin to join in... Spike/Tam: Where do we go from here? Julius: We didn't lose a life from all this strife, Jul/Dani: So we perform our victory cheer, But where do we go from here? Kev/Cory: Perhaps our path is clear We know that hope is near Group: We'll face it all and then give a call, To sound out our triumphant cheer; Tell me - where do we go from here? The beat is rather catchy, and everyone begins to dance along. If you look really closely at Julius, you might note that his dance vaguely resembles a video game character victory dance in slow motion. If you don't, well, he looks like someone who can only moderately dance. Heh. Even Spike's caught up in the dancy mood. Group: Though we're all volunteers Through it all we'll be here Though our curtains close On our victory pose We will -- Abruptly, Spike lowers his arms, realizing what he's doing. Spike: To hell with this. And storms out the side door as the others continue... Group: -- slay evil without fear; Where do we go from here? 32 - Ext. Outside the Bronze - Continuing - Night The music can still be heard quietly from inside as Spike heads down the alley, only to pause at: Tamara: Hey. Spike turns slowly, almost bracing a moment. Spike: You should probably go back inside. Finish that big group scene, get all your musical nonsense out. Tamara: I don't want to. I wanted to tell you something. Spike: Well, you don't have to say anything. I bloody well talk enough for both of us -- Tamara: (sings - a reprise of Bambi's tune) I watch the people that are passing me I wonder if they've passed me by Spike: (offguard, starts in as well) I died, so very long ago... Tamara: I don't want to be the show [simul] Tamara: I just want to feel Spike: But you can make me feel [end simul] They get closer, and closer, until finally (and not just to get out of singing), Spike picks up Tamara for a long, deep kiss. The music swells, amidst the final group line: Group: (offscreen) Love's where we go from here...... Over the kiss scene appears nothing. Fuck Fox. Well, except Star Fox, Slippy would object. Fade to black, cue credits if somehow this tripe ended up on television, hunt and kill Brian Boytano. End of Show. I mean it.