How to Take a Sick Day at Wal-Mart
Step 1. Determine that you are sick enough not to come to work (and why); you may be interrogated over this later, and being able to explain why you can't just take an aspirin and feel better is important.
Step 2. Call an 800 number provided by your workplace.
Step 3. Enter the last four digits of your Social Security Number.
Step 4. Enter your date of birth.
Step 5. Enter your store number.
Step 6. Enter a reason code for why you are calling out.
Step 7. Receive a confirmation number which you must write down.
Step 8. Call your workplace.
Step 9. Request to speak to a member of management. If a member of management is not available, return to step 5 after a wait of 10 minutes to one hour.
Step 10. Explain why you aren't going to be at work on time.
Step 11. Explain why this means you aren't going to be coming to work at all that day.
Step 12. Explain why 'taking a pill and coming in' or 'taking a short nap and coming in later' is not going to help.
Step 13. (may occur during steps 7 through 9) Give your confirmation number.
Step 14. At this point, the manager will either accept your absentness or request you call back later ('in case you feel better' -- if this occurs, return to step 5.)
Step 15. Your manager may also inform you that this is an unexcused absence, and that obtaining three of these in 90 days (arriving late three times by over ten minutes, or leaving early three times by over ten minutes unless ordered by management to eliminate overtime, also counts as an absence) will result in dire penalties up to and including termination.
Step 16. Hang up and rest. Congratulations! You have the day off, but remember, you are not allowed to use sick time for your first day out sick.
Step 17. Do you feel better the next day?
-- YES: Go to work and pray you have no further problems in the next three months. Stop following these instructions.
Step 18. Now that you've been absent for two days, your second day (and any further time) will count as sick time. Congratulations! You're almost done!
Step 19. Are you still sick the next day?
-- YES: Can you afford a doctor visit?
-------- YES: Wal-Mart requires a Leave of Absence form be filled out by a physician if you are out three days or longer. Go to work, get this form, and see a doctor. Return the form (which will include how long the doctor thinks you should stay out of work for). Get well soon, and hope they don't try to bully you into working when you drop in to get the form. Once you eventually return, go to step 17 to put in for your sick pay.
-------- NO: Too bad. Go to work or be terminated. Go to step 17; you still have to put in a time adjustment to get your sick pay.
-- NO: Go to work and pray nobody harasses you, and that you have no further problems in the next three months. Move on to step 17.
Step 20. Welcome back to work! Go to your store's computer room, click on Miscellaneous Options, and select Electronic Time Adjustment.
Step 21. Log in to the SMART system.
Step 22. Choose the Electronic Time Adjustment option.
Step 23. Enter your SMART system login information again.
Step 24. Choose 'Create New Time Adjustment'.
Step 25. Type in the first date you were absent.
Step 26. Choose 'sick time' from the list of options.
Step 27. Type in the number of hours you were supposed to work.
Step 28. Confirm the entry.
Step 29. Repeat steps 24 through 28 for all dates missed.
Step 30. You're done! Your sick pay (0 to 8 hours, usually) will appear on your paycheck if you have enough of it to use, and hopefully you won't get coached or fired.
Using your sick time is fun and easy!
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